He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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