so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's shark week go big or go home
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
