Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
