need another drink. this is the easiest way
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
