it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
