If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
