so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
