Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
