You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
