I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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