i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Life is so much better after having sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
