it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
