so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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