can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
