Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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