how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
