I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
