Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
