She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
