just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You made out with two different species that night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
