Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
