hotel room ftw
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
