Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
