She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
