it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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