On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
