I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
