Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
