My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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