when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
