so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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