It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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