Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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