Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
