I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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