i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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