If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
