Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
