Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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