You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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