You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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