He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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