I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
