I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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