i jhust puked up my retainher.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
