hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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