So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
