The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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