Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
