so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
